With a Change in the Season There Can be a Change in the Mood

As we transition from summer to fall, many of us celebrate cooler temperatures, the changing colors of the leaves, and pumpkin spice lattes. For me, it evokes memories of hay rides, bonfires, and apple cider. While there are a lot of fun things many of us look forward to, some of us move into a season of depression. There can also be a group that feels like they bounce back and forth between depression on one day and joy on the next. The mental struggle may be something as simple as loving summer and hating winter. It can also be the challenge of facing another Thanksgiving or Christmas without a loved one. There are not always simple solutions and you may need professional care. Yet no matter your needs, all of us can review four core areas of our lives and reduce the risk of seasonal depression.

Area 1: Relationships

Everyone should have at least one person in their lives who they can talk to in the middle of the night when they can’t sleep because of worry. Do you? The importance of strong healthy relationships cannot be overstated. Healthy relationships are not just important for mental health, but are critical for physical health as well. Relationships are a huge stress reliever and without that relief your body pays the price. Research shows that loneliness, isolation, and unhealthy relationships actually weaken our immune system.

It’s important in this spot to talk about social media. When we talk about strong relationships, we are not talking about relationships primarily maintained online. Social media is “social junk food”. It’s ok to consume it here and there, but it’s no substitute for a healthy diet. We need a diet of “healthy social food” which involves things like touch, eye contact, and face-to-face interactions. While social media isn’t all bad, it’s also really not that “social”. Unhealthy and unregulated use often leads to comparison, loneliness, and isolation.

Ok. So relationships are important, but how do I improve mine or build new ones?

1. Text, email, call, or “snail mail” someone a note telling them how much you appreciate them. You can really dial this in with a spouse by setting a daily reminder to text them a one or two sentence note sharing how much you appreciate them. These micro gestures of gratitude daily or weekly make a big difference.
2. Find a local club or group built around an area of shared interest to meet new people. My wife loves to read so she joined a book club in our neighborhood to meet some new ladies. At Northside, we have a small groups ministry where people gather weekly in homes with groups of people from 6 to 12 to study the Bible. If you are ever interested in joining one of our groups, check out our GroupFinder for groups all seasons of life.
3. Invite a group of friends over monthly for dinner. Unfortunately our busy lives have destroyed our capability to provide and receive hospitality. Invite some people over to laugh, share stories, and see how things are going.

Area 2: Thoughts and Emotions

When it comes to the season of fall and our thoughts, we need to think about the way we think. In The Coddling of the American Mind, Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt talk about nine of the most common cognitive distortions:

• Emotional Reasoning: Letting your feelings guide your interpretation of reality. “I feel depressed; therefore, my job is not working out.”
• Catastrophizing: Focusing on the worst possible outcome and seeing it as most likely. “It would be terrible if I failed.”
• Overgeneralizing: Perceiving a global pattern of negatives on the basis of a single incident. “This generally happens to me. I seem to fail at a lot of things.”
• Dichotomous Thinking (also known variously as “black-and-white thinking,” “all-or-nothing thinking,” and “binary thinking”): Viewing events or people in all-or-nothing terms. “I get rejected by everyone,” or “It was a complete waste of time.”
• Mind Reading: Assuming that you know what people think without having sufficient evidence of their thoughts. “He thinks I’m a loser.”
• Labeling: Assigning global negative traits to yourself or others (often in the service of dichotomous thinking). “I’m undesirable,” or “He’s a rotten person.”
• Negative Filtering: You focus almost exclusively on the negatives and seldom notice the positives. “Look at all of the people who don’t like me.”
• Discounting Positives: Claiming that the positive things you or others do are trivial, so that you can maintain a negative judgment. “That’s what wives are supposed to do—so it doesn’t count when she’s nice to me,” or “Those successes were easy, so they don’t matter.”
• Blaming: Focusing on the other person as the source of your negative feelings; you refuse to take responsibility for changing yourself. “She’s to blame for the way I feel now,” or “My parents caused all my problems.”

It’s wise for all of us to be aware of these thought patterns in our lives, but there are two major issues. First, often we have these patterns in our lives but are blind in seeing them. Second, even if we do see them we often lack the self-control to change them. Here are some practical steps to identify and control these negative ways of thinking:

1. Keep a one sentence a day journal. Many people don’t like to journal. Writing just isn’t some people’s cup of tea. This is why a one sentence a day journal can help. Just answer the same question every day in one sentence. What happened today? How do you feel today? What was the best part of today? Figure out a question that pulls just one sentence out of you.
2. Coffee with a friend. Friends are cheaper than therapists. :) Find a wise friend who knows you well, can identify negative patterns in your thinking, and can help you work through those with advice and accountability. Meet with them once a month. Just be careful not to pick a cheerleader or someone who will simply justify or even celebrate your negative thinking with the wrong kind of encouragement. Find a kind critic who loves you enough to tell you the truth and will help you with toxic thoughts.

Area 3: Relaxing Hobbies

Did you know that Winston Churchill used to lay bricks to relax? He was a member of the Amalgamated Union of Bricklayers. He built things like a swimming pool and a goldfish pond. You would think someone like the former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom would be too busy to participate in masonry. Churchill was known to have many hobbies to think, relax, and recenter. Now I am not suggesting that you take up bricklaying as we head into the fall. What I am suggesting to combat fall depression is that you find a hobby or outlet that helps take your mind off of the depression and brings you joy.

1. If your job is physical (working with your hands, on your feet all day, etc.) consider a hobby that engages your mind like reading, painting, or playing an instrument.
2. If your job is mental (leading people, working at a computer, etc.) consider a hobby that engages your body like running, fishing, yoga, etc. While some of these things are outdoors and they may be unavailable in the winter, most of these things can still be practiced in fall or spring.
3. Revisit a childhood or young adult interest. When I was in high school I considered becoming an architect. I decided to go into a different direction with my career, but I still love beautiful buildings. Recently I have started to look at architecture magazines, watch free classes online, and sketch buildings to relax and play. I have no intention of going back to school or changing my career. However, I find this day dreaming on completely unrelated subjects intellectually engaging. Rediscover a past passion.

Area 4: Accomplishments and Goals

When the leaves change and the temperature drops we all get lazy. There’s nothing wrong with the occasional day spent binge watching TV and eating ice cream. However, this can’t become a lifestyle for six months until the first signs of summer begin to pop up. Part of what we all need to do is set some goals and complete them so we combat seasonal depression with a sense of accomplishment. The hit of dopamine from achievement can go a long way. Try one of these:

1. Set some exercise and/or eating goals. You don’t have to be an athlete to exercise. We are not talking about you or I having to run the Boston Marathon. A goal as simple as walking 30 minutes a day on your treadmill or around the block will suffice. With eating, just consider not eating after 8:00 pm until breakfast or cut out certain foods like red meat based on your dietary needs. Even minor tweaks to physical exercise and diet can make a big difference with depression in the fall.
2. Take a class in-person or online. Learn something new that you have always wanted to learn. Most public libraries include free classes online through LinkedIn Learning with just using your library card (https://www.linkedin.com/learning-login/go). They have thousands of classes on just about everything you could ever want to learn.

When it comes to fall and seasonal depression, the ideas above have proven to be helpful. With this list, don’t become overwhelmed. Just pick one area above that would be the most fruitful for you and execute a practice from that area. By just making even a few small changes, fall and winter can become manageable. Just know that you are not alone. Many people (including myself) struggle. It’s not easy. Yet the struggle is worth the effort. Seasonal depression doesn’t just impact us. It also has an impact on our spouses, kids, friends, and colleagues. At Northside, it’s our prayer that you be at your best for yourself and others. If we can help with that journey, please let us know.

Grace,
Shawn Prokes
Digital Ministeries Pastor