Introduction
Ok men, let me warn you: it’s time to get beat up, but in a good way. The best teaching leaves you challenged yet hopeful. Sometimes, men read Ephesians 5 and unbiblically lean into the "women submit" part, ignoring the "men love" part. The “men loving as Christ loved” piece requires more time, energy, sacrifice, focus, and effort than the challenge presented to women in Ephesians 5. It asks men to grow up and dig deeper. Loving as Christ is more radically demanding than submission. Both are hard, but loving like Christ is the hardest thing any human (man or woman) can do.
Today’s Scripture
Ephesians 5:25-33 (New Living Translation)
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Explanation and Reflection
Marriage is a reflection of Christ and the church (His body). Paul parallels Christ’s love for the church with the love a man should have for his wife.
- Radical Sacrifice
Christ died for the church. Men, will you die for your wife? Many men might say, “Yes, I will physically die for my wife. If a bullet were coming at my wife, I would jump in the way and take it. If a train were about to hit her, I would push her out of the way and take her place.” While that is great, will you die in every other way daily and not just physically? Will you lay down your work dreams and ambitions to put her first? Will you die to yourself when she doesn’t act like the same person you married? Will you still see her beauty after she has kids? Will you care for her as she ages and when she’s "not as fun as she used to be"? In marriage, men must die to themselves daily in every way so they love their wives like Christ loved the church. Every day is a death to self for her sake. - Radical Cleansing
Paul talks about how men should wash their wives with the Word and present them “without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish.” A godly man knows scripture and uses it with his wife to build her up, not control or tear her down. Men, do not manipulate or misuse the Bible to abuse your wives—whether domestically, sexually, psychologically, or spiritually. Instead, use the Word to take your already beautiful wife and make her even more beautiful. When you beautify your wife, you glorify the Lord. Cleanse your wife through the Word. - Radical Care
As Paul’s logic plays out, he talks about how no person should hate their own body; instead, they should love it. In the same way, Paul wants men to love their wives because she is part of them. It’s great logic. However, there is one problem: some men hate themselves and, as a result, subconsciously hate their wives. Many men are insecure and take it out on their wives in numerous ways. Some men are passive-aggressive, dismissive, mentally absent, jealous, or just plain jerks. Stop it! Men, do not treat your wife like garbage because you hate yourself! Talk to a pastor, meet with a godly friend, get with a counselor, or do whatever it takes to love your wife well. Then apologize to her. Your self-hatred is not justification for being a lousy husband. Take radical steps to get your act together. - Radical Union
Scripture explains how the two are united in marriage. Another way of stating this is that a husband and wife should be deeply connected in every way. Men, your wife is not your roommate or buddy. Yes, friendship is a huge part of marriage, but she is not your "bro." She is your love! Don’t take her for granted. Don’t underappreciate her. Honor her through the hard work of being deeply connected to her. Put down your phone, turn off the TV, and talk to her. Be available to listen deeply. Be interested in her interests. Find ways to serve her by doing the dishes or caring for the kids. Stop the macho nonsense and become a servant. Your aim is to love through action, time, and speech to produce deep unity.
Men, submission cannot be demanded; it is earned through the radical love described above. By the way, the goal of loving like Christ is not to get your wife’s compliance. This love is not a tactic or life hack to manipulate her into submission so you get your way—it’s about being like Christ. The good news is that if you’ve messed this up in the past, you can start today. It’s never too late. Your Lord will forgive you, and most wives are happy to forgive any man who sincerely repents. Guys, you can’t have a good marriage without being humble. Don’t let pride keep you from apologizing. Loving your wife well is not about being perfect; it’s about being meek.
Question of the Day
Here’s a question for you to think about and apply:
Men, how can you love and serve your wife better? Consider asking her if you don’t know. Women, how can you better communicate your needs to empower your husband to serve you? Both men asking and women sharing are essential in growing marital love.